Decluttering

Around the blog-sphere, during these first days of the new year, there is such a great talking about resolutions and goals.
I adore these states of ferment, mostly because , as some of you could have well presumed, I am a huge fan of plans and organizational skills.

One of the hottest topics of the moment is decluttering, a simple word that became so popular thanks to Flylady, and that means getting rid of the useless stuff around our houses, with the intent of taking off the superfluous and keeping only what it is strictly necessary. Elisa on Genitoricrescono.com wrote just some days ago, an interesting and useful post on the subject, that I highly suggest you to read. And Silvia and Serena have just launched a brilliant therapeutic initiative for drifter parents as we all are.

I am talking about that, because since some months ago, our house has been the subject of a huge decluttering operation.

Pushed by the soon arrival of the third baby boy, we are working hardly room by room, to literally create space for the newborn and get everyone ready to welcome him in our house.

I began some time ago with closets: taking advantage of the change of the season, we abandoned our needless clothes and took only what was right for our actual life (and size!). Then, we moved to the master bedroom, to the craft room and to the kids’ room and, finally, to the garage, a sort of purgatory of any kind of objects that fell into disuse and that we, just as a habit of unconsciousness, thought we couldn’t get rid of.

Meanwhile, something is happening. The more we proceed, the more I am conscious that our decluttering, that started from material items, is actually more and more becoming a spiritual decluttering of our entire family.
As if, everyone of us, is creating space to the new baby inside our soul as well as inside our rooms.

The act of getting rid of the items of the past, is slowly but progressively helping us on resetting ourselves as a family and on getting ready to begin again, in a new, different and unknown family asset.

We are all 4 conscious that our family routines will be soon no longer the same. And, even if sometimes we perceive it with a little of preventive nostalgic attitude, we think it’s all extremely exciting.
Surely we don’t have any idea of what after would be, when the little baby will be here, but everyone of us, according to his own rhythm and reactions, is getting used to the idea that what some time ago were only words and expectations, will be soon a living reality that will surround us all. And will take us elsewhere. Elsewhere from the past. And where only the present moment counts.

During this special moment, the moment just before the leaving, when we say goodbye to what we are dropping behind and when we get ready to face the new, we are living really strong contrasting feelings.
At the same time, the objects (may they be letters, documents, toys, clothes or so on) and the act of taking them in our hands to feel the weight of their value for ourselves and to feel what kind of relationship connects ourselves with them, are helping us understanding how much, by the flown of time, they actually have become sorts of emotional catalysts , as they attracted tangles of thoughts and memories inside themselves that actually we took, for too much time, for granted.

We all realized, everyone in his own way, that most of the times these objects, so fully plunged in emotional habits, don’t correspond (anymore) to our current feelings. And that often they are some kind of fetishes of some simple and automatic connections of thoughts, that no longer belong to real feelings anymore.
Thoughts like: “…This was a gift from…” or “..I played with this when…” or even “…I take this in case of…” are evident signals of an attitude focused in the past or in a hypotetic future, that don’t actually deal with ourselves as individuals and as a family.

But mostly, as soon as we stop and just reflect a little on that issue, they don’t have really any kind of relationship with the items themselves.
In fact, they, emptied by that inappropriate weight, become lighter and regain their true material nature, letting us looking at them for what they really are, instead for what they represented or they could be. And for the most part of them, this means knowing that they are no longer necessary items.

In that way, decluttering has become a sort of family therapy towards our inner nature. Towards the values and the priorities that define us as family.

This path, that started from the mess of a cluttered house, full of piled-up objects, belonged to other selves and other ages of body and soul as well, is becoming more and more a journey through the deepness of the simplest living as possible, in line with our inner feelings.
This is allowing us to leave behind, without useless resentments and obsolete sentimentalisms, what is really needless and that could
only make our journey harder.

So, we came to an agreement with the liberating conclusion that, even if we can practically get ready and organize for the new life’s coming, we could never know how it will actually be until we are living it in the present that isn’t come yet.

We are feeling surely happier to see we have lightened our luggage from what doesn’t belong to us anymore and to cherish mindfully, even just as a precious memory of our past lives, only what is worth to be preserved.

The present moment

After a period of consistency and motivation in pursuing personal goals and projects, a period of great discovering and vivid enthusiasm, an unexpected stomach flu (mine and of my entire family!) has obliged me to take a pause from regular living.

And this sort of surprising roller coaster has forced me to see things differently.

Sometimes physical weakness helps people to focus more on the essential of life and I guess it’s what has happened to me this time, too.

photo credit

I have discovered that is actually difficult for me to get back on track soon until I focused on a next, new, spicy challenge.

And I have realized that it’s so still damned easy for me to live my life without being mindful about my real purposes. Moreover, that it takes still to me a lot of determination and strength to remain following my own path.

I can say that this third pregnancy (I am currently on the 31st week) it has been mostly all about the challenge – and, actually, the real struggle – of establishing a daily routine of things and projects I need to get done : I have written pages and pages of to do lists, vision statements, missions, priorities lists, plans, goals charts and so on, but every time something seems to get in the way.

That’s because life, inevitably, happens – and, hopefully, will happen again!

I am discovering that, every time more, my aim is becoming to overcome the distance between my challenge and no-challenge state of mind.

What I mean is I would like to come more easily in a place of stillness where I could manage a simple and effective behavior of personal good sense where I wouldn’t experiment the stress and the loss of energies due to opposite reactions (action: bad day/reaction: good day and reverse).

And every time more, I really find myself needing more new challenges to confront with.
And needing them so much – even if I think it’s actually a signal of self-love and self-confidence – it is not still a signal of the interior balance I would like to have.

I am now aware that I continuously feed expectations from my actions and behaviors, when maybe it’s just a simple matter of simplifying and just breath and listen to my real inner being.

I am somehow getting stressed by my needs of being productive and goal-oriented all day long, because I am realizing that – even if in this manner I have a clear vision of what I need to do – I am often focused on future events and on results and I am not still enjoying the awareness of present moment.

And I would wish for myself a more peaceful and mindful state of being where needs are no longer needs, wishes are no longer wishes, desires are no longer desires, necessities are no longer necessities, but actions are simply actions, moment by moment, in line with the flown of my consciousness and my real inner self nature.

I really need to be patient and compassionate with myself in learning to be less focused on reaching and on productivity and more on simple, quiet, peaceful awareness and mindfulness in my own self and in the world I live in, as a particular, unique, human being.

I think that it could be named my personal goal for the next year: finding a sort of quiet balance between me and my dares.

In that manner, for instance, I wouldn’t need anymore to work-out daily because I know it is healthy and I feel tons and tons better while and after having done it: I would simply work out, period.
Because when I do it, I simply am in line with my inner nature, with my own particular wisdom.

The same can be applied to writing, motherhood, pregnancy, respectful partnership, eating right, doing chores and household, loyal friendship and social connections in general and so on.

I only hope to be fine with myself in this period and accept it as it is, without feeling guilty and, mostly, doing what I need to do, one step at a time.

Sometimes, it’s more easy to be aware of what it needs to be done than thinking about what it needs to do… and when I do it, time seems to expand!

I wish for me a place where I no longer desire something, but just be.

Where there is no more struggle, motivation, determination, strength and dare to be, but JUST mindful respect of the present moment.